#yohoHoly

So, pirates are cool.

Wait, what am I saying - Pirates are AMAZING. There are a couple of times each day (like 2000) that I think: "Man, if only I had a barstool in here and a laundry basket..." 

As a pirate, I could spend me days swashbuckling and hardy-har-harring with me crewmates. I could sail me ship across the deadly waters that claimed many a piratey soul. I could wear floppy boots and sashes around me waist. (Thought - I should do that anyways) But above all - I'd be driven by me obsession with finding - TRESHAR. ("Treasure" for you none pirate types)

There are three necessities for hunting for treshar as a pirate:

1) A Treshar Map - Which I would win off some scallywag in a piratey poker game that I probably hornswaggled (cheated) in - on account of my pirateyness and general dishonestness.
2) A Crew - Assembled of the roughest and toughest freebooters you'd ever laid eyes on.
3) A Buried Treasure - The cargo of a sunken Spanish Gold ship - Filled to the brim with doubloons, rare gems, and spices from the Orient - Perhaps sunk on its way to transporting a Spanish prince to the exotic isles of the Carribean to be reunited with his beautiful Carribean princess beneath a golden moon whose rays dance about the waves of the ocean and whisper sweet sonnets as it laps about the shore... They were a really cute couple.

If I had these three things, there's no doubt - in combination with my inherent Jolly Rogerness - that I would find that treshar, and be the greatest pirate ever to have lived.

So, what's the Jesus part of this? CHECK IT -

"I want them to have full confidence because they have complete understanding of God's secret plan, which is Christ Himself. In Him lie hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge." - Colossians 2:2

Yeah, yeah. I know it's TOO easy with the "treasures" and "treshars" thing - but this is what I started thinking about. If I'm gonna hunt for Jesus treasure, I've got three necessities:

1) A Treshar Map - The Bible - It tells us exactly where to go to find what we need. ("If you need wisdom - ask Him, and He will gladly tell you." - James 1:5)
2) A Crew - Holy Spirit, Jesus, God - If you've got these three on your side, there ain't nothin' stoppin' you.
3) A Buried Treasure - The greatest treasure we will ever seek is the knowledge, understanding, and wisdom that comes from the Lord - Through these things we gain the privilege of revelations about who our God is - Wisdom and knowledge are the first steps to God's Truth.

Pirates are cool.

Kbye.

#yohoHoly

#amazingGrace

So, there's this thing called Grace. 

There's also this person called Grace. 

Let me tell you about her first. 

I had my first encounter with Grace when she made a very grand entrance into my life by pushing her way out of my mother's body. Why she insisted on us meeting this way? I'll never know. She claims she "had no choice," but I'm pretty sure she could have just called a cab. 

After making my mom feel super uncomfortable and awkward, she started sleeping at our house a lot - like EVERY NIGHT. And my parents must have felt sorry for her because they kept feeding her all my food. But get this - homegirl refused to bathe herself or talk in complete sentences, too - high maintenance much? Eventually, after 15 years of photo bombing all our family pictures, not even offering to sleep somewhere other than the room next to me, and changing her last name to mine, I began to accept the fact that she was probably going to be around forever. 

I say all of this because there are a few things you have to understand about living with Grace: 

1. The presence of Grace in my life was undeniable. For an entire semester of my Senior year of high school I awoke to the sounds of "Get Buck In Here" blasting from her room. You couldn't doubt the fact that she was there. 

2.Grace demanded and commanded my attention. She never let me get away with not acknowledging her. If she wanted me to see something, she stood right in front of me and yelled my name until I finally gave her my full, undivided attention. She refused to be ignored. 

3.Grace was incredibly forgiving and understanding. Despite my multiple and elaborate attempts to get rid of her - one including a pair of handcuffs and an incredibly heavy office chair - she would still smile and simply say, "It's okay." I could never win. 

So, why tell you all about this loud stranger that overtook my life? Because of that thing called grace. 

Them Romans be saying' this - "All are justified and made upright and in right standing with God, freely and gratuitously by His grace (His unmerited favor and mercy), through the redemption which is provided in Christ Jesus." - Romans 3:24

As it turns out, what had happened was this - That person called Grace taught me everything I needed to know about that thing called grace. 

Here are the things you have to understand about living IN God's grace: 

1. The presence of grace in our lives is undeniable. It's there to wake you up every single morning. It's loud, and it makes sure you know it's right there with you. 

2. It demands and commands our attention. Grace will stand in front you, yelling your name, until you acknowledge its existence. When grace has something for you to understand from the Lord, there's no ignoring it or pushing it aside. It. Is. Unwavering. 

3. Grace, in itself, is incredibly forgiving and understanding. Despite our every attempt to push grace out of our lives, to do everything within our power to convince it that we don't deserve to be forgiven, it simply responds with a sweet "It's okay. I know your heart." Grace never let's us win, because grace is incapable of losing. 

I didn't ask for Grace to come into my life. I had no say in the matter. She just showed up and took up her rightful place. 

And I'll tell you this - We didn't ask for God's grace in our lives, but I'm realizing now that we have no say in that matter. It's simply taking its rightful place. 

All I know is that while there are times when I feel completely undeserving of both Graces in my life - I know that I couldn't make it a single day without them. 

Kbye.

#amazingGrace

#dragonated

So, dragons are terrifying. 

FALSE. 

I think they're just misunderstood. 

Now, I know what you're thinking - "But Clair, dragons eat people and wreak havoc on tiny villages filled with soft-spoken, simple townsfolk." 

I offer you this - Maybe homeboy was just having a bad day. I do the same thing when I don't get my nap. 

And maybe, just maybe, nobody took the time to say, "Hey dragon, why are you so angry and terrible today?" And perhaps he might say, "Well, my roommate recently moved out, and he promised he'd stay through the month so now I'm stuck in this lease having to pay the rent all by myself, and I don't have a job. I mean, I'm a dragon. Do you know how many people hire dragons? I'll tell you how many - NONE. Apparently, there's all these "risk" fees for the customers. Something about me possibly "eating" them or "setting things on fire." I mean, that happens SOMETIMES. But not ALL THE TIME. Cut a dragon some slack, man, you know?" And then they could say, "Yeah, dragon. I know."

And just like that - emotional dragon bomb diffused. 

But on the off chance that you're up against a truly ill-tempered dragon that simply cannot be consoled, you have to be prepared to fight him. Therefore, I give you: CLAIR'S 1000 (or 4) SURE-FIRE (Ha!) WAYS TO DEFEAT A DRAGON.

1) Sunscreen. Preferably SPF 9000. 
2) Legs. These will assist in running/dodging/general movement.
3) A massive sword. You will use this to kill the dragon. 
4) A dragon. Otherwise, these other items serve no purpose. Especially the legs. 

Equipping yourself with these things, as well as, an iPod that will play "I Got the Power" on repeat will most certainly bring you dragon-slaying success. 

So, why give you all this vital and completely applicable information on slaying dragons? Obviously, it's something that you absolutely need to be prepared for and will definitely, without a doubt, scientifically proven (probably) happen to you. 

OR it's because of something my Hebrew homeboy Hosea was talking about this morning, "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge." - Hosea 4:6 (AMP version) 

Clearly, Hosea knows exactly what I'm talking about. If you don't, then allow me to CLAIRify. (See what I did there?)

Everyday, we go up against dragons of our own. They come at us, being all giant and dragon-like, breathin' fire, eatin' people up, and we don't stand a chance against them. UNLESS, we possess the knowledge of what we're up against and what we're capable of doing to defeat it. If we can't look at something and define it, understand it, then we're powerless against it. 

Another translation of Hosea reads, "My people are being destroyed because they don't know me [God]." - Hosea 4:6 (NLT) 

Here's the thing. If we don't know who or what we're up against, and we don't know who we have behind us and what He's capable of doing, we end up in endless, tiring battles with few victories. When you go up against that dragon, you have to understand what he is, and you have to look to that sword in your hand (the Word of God) and understand what it's capable of doing. 

When we begin to possess that knowledge, to truly own it for all that it is, only then does the great and mighty dragon meet its untimely end at the point of our raised swords that have been passed down from the kings of old to finally find their rest in the hands of us - young pilgrims of virtue and steadfast hearts - the hope of our kingdom - the saviors of the land - the heroes of myth and lyric - the dragon slayers. 

We got the power. 

Kbye.

#dragonated

#that'sforbabies

So, meat.

I love meat. When do I love meat?

These times:
1) When it's hot.
2) When it's cold.
3) When it's in a sandwich.
4) When it's on a plate.
5) When it's on a stick - ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S ON A STICK.
6) When it's witty.
7) When it asks me to prom.
8) When it tells me we're gonna be together forever.

Okay, the last three are along the lines of wishful thinking. But, the point is - I would marry a pot roast if it asked.

So, why all this wonderful talk of meat? I shall and will break it down for you.

I was hangin' with the first of the Peters the other day over on the New Testament block and here's what caught my eye - "You must crave spiritual milk so that you can grow into the fullness of your salvation. Cry out for this nourishment as a baby cries for milk, now that you have had a taste of the Lord's kindness." - 1 Peter 2:2-3

Now, I'm not much of a milk person. Rarely do I find myself drinking it out of a cup unless there's Cap'n Crunch mixed in with it. But as a baby, I was ALL OVER THAT MILK. Obviously, according to doctors and research and all that business, I needed it to survive - to grow - to become awesome. As I got older, though, I lost my taste, that craving for milk, and started realizing I needed something more substantial to live off of.

So, I started thinking - What if God was having a BBQ, and I got invited? 

 And I walk in, give the Apostles a couple of high fives, sit down with Esther for a bit (that girl is so fly), have a good laugh with Jesus about how Potato Salad isn't really a salad, and finally make my way over to God who's wearing a "King of the Grill...And Everything" apron. I look down at the BBQ pit, and He's got oodles of ribs, brisket, chicken, pork chops, and every other meat imaginable cooking on there. Before I can tell Him what I want on my plate He hands me a glass of milk.

Me: "Ummm, thank you?"
God: "Oh, I'm sorry. Did you want something different?"
Me: "Well, I mean, you've got all this delicious looking meat here..."
God: "I didn't know you were ready for that. You've been satisfied with milk for so long that I figured you just wanted to stick with that."
Me: "That is true, but now that I see all of this meat, the milk just doesn't seem like enough."
God: "Word."

The point of all this? Here. We. Go.

We all start our relationship with the Lord on milk. We crave it because it sustains us, it helps us to survive, to grow with Him. In a sense, we're babies and we search for those things of Him that we can understand, that we're capable of digesting in the beginning. But just as we grow and mature physically, we also grow and mature spiritually. Just as our physical bodies begin to demand something more than milk to sustain us, so also do our Spirits demand something more than just the milk of God's Word. We have to start asking for the meat. We have to start consuming something that requires a little work - a little chewing.

Set that glass of milk down.

We want the brisket.

Kbye.

#that'sforbabies

#ayedemija

So, Dora the Explorer. 

Homegirl never gets lost, right? She's always like, "Hey. Map." and that map guy shows up and is like, "Hey. You should go that way." And then Dora's like, "Cool. Thanks, Map." And map guy is like "Hey. No problem." 

This got me to thinking about a couple of things: 
1) Google Maps - Way less creepy than a talking, magical map - Dora should sell the map, and that monkey that wears boots, and buy an iPhone 5. 
2) WHERE. IS. HER. MOTHER? Girlfriend's just trekking around the wilderness with talking stuff and no juice box - Plus, she's like 2. 

Concerned Citizen: "Um, ma'am. Did you know that your daughter goes out into the dry lands on a daily basis toting a talking backpack, singing map, and stylish monkey? And that they regularly engage in conversations with various strangers who can't remember where they left their coloring books or how to get home?"
Dora's Mom: "Yeah, it's cool." 
Concerned Citizen: "....She talked to a frog for half an hour the other day." 
Dora's Mom: "Was he a green frog with yellow stripes?"
Concerned Citizen: "What does that have to do with anything?"
Dora's Mom: "Well, it might have been Steve. We went to college together." 
Concerned Citizen: "....You're a terrible mom."
Dora's Mom: "I've missed Steve."

Despite the creepiness of her inherently insane lifestyle - Homegirl still never gets lost. 

Mic-AhI'mAwesome writes, "He will bring you through the gates of your cities of captivity back to your own land. Your king will lead you; the Lord Himself will guide you." - Micah 2:13

HOLYCRAPIHAVEAMAGICMAPTOO.

While I may not agree with her choice in friends, clothes, or the way she was raised, I will admit there is a method to Dora's madness. She steps boldly out into the world each day without a single ounce of worry that she might get lost. Why? Because she knows all she has to do is say, "Map" and he always shows up to guide her. 

Y'all already know where I'm going with this - We should all buy monkeys and put boots on them IMMEDIATELY. 

But also this - There's no reason why we shouldn't step out into the world boldly each and every day without a shred of doubt that we'll know exactly where to go because all we have to say is, "God" and He Himself is faithful to always show up and guide us. We have to understand that when we call on Him, He is willing to put everything else aside and point us in the right direction. When Dora says "Map" he's not like "Oh, hey, lemme get my cousin, Pamphlet, he'll help you out today. I'm suuuuuper busy with....map stuff." In that same way, the Lord won't look at us and say, "Oh...yeaaaah....I'm pretty busy with, you know, being God, so lemme just send someone who has an approximate knowledge of how to get you where you need to go." No, He Himself takes the lead and directs us out of the those places of captivity into our own free lands that He has set aside for us. 

Sometimes, I get lost. Mainly because I'm either: 
a) Looking for food. 
OR
b) Distracted by food. 

But mostly because I'm either:
a) Looking for something that isn't the Lord.
OR
b) Distracted by something that isn't from the Lord. 

So, it's good to know I've got a GodPositioningSystem at my disposal. 

Kbye.

#ayedemija

#nintenDO

So, I've spent a lot of time with Italian plumbers in my life. Why, you might ask?

I offer you this:
1) They have excellent mustaches.
2) They wear overalls with their initials on them.
3) The travel via giant green pipes.

Now, I ask, "Why WOULDN'T you spend all of your time with Italian plumbers?"

If you don't know these guys, let me give you a little background on them.

Mario: This guy is fearless. He's just a plumber from a small corner of Sicily trying to make it in his crazy colorful world filled with mushroom guys, walking hershey kisses with little teeth, and giant piranha plants - Sometimes he jumps on stuff - Sometimes he runs to stuff - Sometimes he jumps on stuff that he ran to - But above all, his sole purpose in his world is to save this royal homegirl that he's in love with - Princess Peach - Girlfriend is not good at staying out of trouble.

Luigi: This guy is tall - Despite being Mario's little brother. He wears a lot of green - Follows Mario around - Offers moral support - Doesn't do much else - Great conversationalist, though.

Now, what you've got to understand is that these soft-spoken Sicilians are up against the biggest, baddest, wealthiest (He has a floating castle - WHAT) giant, spikey alligator dragon guy named Bowser. (I don't know if you've ever met a giant, spikey alligator dragon guy before - SO MOODY) So, with that in mind, a typical day between these guys might look something like this:

- Bowser steals Princess Peach - Again - Girl gotta learn.
- Mario and Luigi receive the news from their mushroom guy friend while they're enjoying a traditional Italian breakfast of egg spaghetti.
- Mario finds Bowser
- Mario fights Bowser (Luigi cheers him on from the sidelines)
- Mario defeats Bowser
- Mario saves Princess Peach and returns her to her castle.

So, what's so great about an Italian plumber that saves princesses? - THIS - He does it, every single day, not for the glory, nor for the boasting - but solely for the fact that it is his purpose in his world - he is compelled to do it over and over again. If he didn't, Princess Peach might forever remain captive, and he would be selling himself short in his life.

My Jerusamigo Paul sheds some light on this - "For preaching the Good News is not something I can boast about. I am compelled by God to do it. How terrible for me if I didn't do it!" - 1 Corinthians 9:18

Here's what I think - We are all called to share the Word of God (the Love of God) with those around us - We do it not so that we can boast about it, or even get rewarded for it - We do it simply because it is our sole (and soul) purpose in this world - We do it because we are COMPELLED by God to do it.

If this is a God-given purpose in our lives then how terrible, how rude, how inconsiderate of us to not do it. Why would we want to sell ourselves short? Everyday, there is a Princess Peach being held captive by this world, and God has called us to be His Italian plumbers.

I'm buying my overalls right now.

Kbye.

#NintenDO

#Holy[feat.]Spirit

So, I took a little trip to Rome today - ANS, that is. (Romans - get it?) And I came across a little something bout that Heavenly Ghost we got following us around all the time. 

"And the Holy Spirit helps us in our distress. For we don't even know what we should pray for nor how we should pray. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groaning that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God's own will." - Romans 8:26-27

Obviously, I started thinking about American Idol. If I was on the show, I would totally make it to the finale, right? America would have fallen in love with me because of my incredibly moving renditions of various Lil Wayne songs turned piano ballads. 

So, I'd perform my final original song - the hit inspirational single "Dream Stars Are Within Our Reach of Dreaming [N3v3r St0p Dr3aming] ft. Justin Bieber" and the crowd would love me.

The judges:
Steven Tyler: "Clair, you got up there, and you just sang. *shakes beautiful wavy hair* I'm in Aerosmith."
J. Lo: "¡Aye, mamí! Giiirrrrlll, you just made me cry! You keep going, girl. You do your thang, okay?"
Randy: "Yo, dawg. Foreal?? Dawg! Seriously, dawg. Are you foreal right now? Duuuuuude. Dawg. Dawg. Yo. Yo dawg. Yo."

BUT THEN, my opponent takes the stage. This guy, the Holy Spirit (who goes by H0l33 Spizzle on the show) gets up there and sings some R. Kelly "I Believe I Can Fly." By the end of it, the whole crowd is on their feet going crazy over it.

The judges:
Steven Tyler: "....No words, man." *puckers lips*
J. Lo: "....Aye."
Randy: "......Dawg."

I already know the results before Ryan Seacrest and his half beard walk over and tell me that I've lost.

So what's my point? This - The Holy Spirit should have been a member of Boyz 2 Men.

But also this - The Holy Spirit is the ultimate harmonizer with God's perfect will in our lives. That's just one of the many reasons why He sent Him down here to chill with us. When we don't know what to pray, the Holy Spirit's like - "Dude, I got this." And runs (or floats - whichever he be preferrin' these days) up to the Throne Room and tells God - in His perfect and beautiful way - exactly what it is we need. He just lets that sweet falsetto slide right in with God's will.

So don't worry - 'cause when we forget the words to our Heavenly songs - the Holy Spirit is there like a leaflet in a N*Sync CD case.

Kbye.

#Holy[feat.]Spirit

#Jesuszombs

So, I was thinking about zombies this morning, right? And I thought 2 things:

1) Zombies are gross. 
2) It probably sucks to be a zombie. 

Then I started thinking about what makes a zombie so zombie-like, and I came up with this:

1) They walk around dead - because a sick nasty zombie virus destroys their insides - hence nicknamed the "walking dead"
2) They reeeeeaaally like eating flesh - which is surprisingly low in calories
3) They are driven by a single overwhelming desire to satiate (stuff, satisfy completely or excessively) their appetite - which is how I often feel when walking into Furr's.

What's my point with all of this? Get ready y'all, 'cus here it comes -
I wanna be a Jesus zombie. There, I said it.

The problem is, most of the time I'm just a regular zombie. I find myself walking around dead, craving flesh (in this instance, everything that surrounds us in the world), and having no other driving force in my life except for the desire to satisfy those cravings.

BUT, check this out - John 1:14 - "And the Word (Christ) became flesh and lived among us."

Heretofore, a Jesus zombie might look something like this:

1) They walk around full of life, thriving - the Word of God became the man Jesus who lives within each and everyone of us - therefore, the Word of God is living and breathing within us.
2) They reeeeeeaaally like consuming the Word - taking every chance to devour all that is Jesus (who again, is God's Word)
3) They are driven by a single overwhelming desire to completely satisfy their spiritual appetite - through serving, giving, praising, worshipping, studying, fellowshipping.

Regular zombies: 0
Jesus zombies: 1

Kbye.

#Jesuszombs